I ran the long version the other day but since everyone felt it was too long, here is a much shorter version:
Before Katelina found love in the arms of her vampire Jorick, there was another man.
Patrick’s brother Michael disappears and returns as a vampire. Turned against his will, he begs Patrick to kill his tormentors. When Patrick tries, he is claimed as a slave and forced from one unspeakable act to another.
Then he meets Katelina and falls in love. To be with her, he has to win his freedom, but all victories come with a price, and the cost of this one could be his very life.
The dark, emotional prequel to Shades of Gray plunges into a black abyss of anger and despair without the promise of a happy ending. Patrick is a spoiler-filled look at what came before and just may be the blackest of the Amaranthine tales.
Better? Worse?
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- Patrick: The Official Cover & Synopsis (Maybe) (joleenenaylor.wordpress.com)
Roger Lawrence
/ September 4, 2012Now that’s good. Short and to the point. Excellent.
Joleene Naylor
/ September 11, 2012Thanks
lindseyjparsons
/ September 4, 2012Better, definitely
Joleene Naylor
/ September 11, 2012Thanks, Lindsey!
paigeaddams
/ September 4, 2012I like this one better – I think it hooks me a lot faster.
Joleene Naylor
/ September 11, 2012Thanks, Paige – a random comment – I just love your moogle avatar!
paigeaddams
/ September 14, 2012Lol, thank you!
Final Fantasy has always been my favorite game series, and Mog is one of my favorite characters. Dragon Age is now a very, very close second. 
Joleene Naylor
/ September 14, 2012I’m a Final Fantasy lover, too!
I’ve never tried Dragon Age. is it like FF?
paigeaddams
/ September 15, 2012Dragon Age is definitely a good one!
There are two in the series right now, and the third will be out in 2013. I think the storylines tend to be darker than Final Fantasy, and instead of the more linear turn based combat in FF it’s more of an action RPG – kind of like Devil May Cry or Prototype. I think what I love most about it, and why it’s up there on the list with FF, is that you can customize your character, and even the story to a certain extent by making different decisions throughout the game. You can also either make enemies or friends of any companions that join you along the way. And there are also romance options if you want. My only complaint, which they’re trying to fix for the third one, is the map repetition.
DM Yates
/ September 4, 2012Better, but may I ask about adding ,Patrick after ‘Before Katelina found love with…..man I don’t know. I’m not good at this part. Just a suggestion though, ok? I’m sure your more experienced writer friends will know if that’s good or not.
Ruth Ann Nordin
/ September 10, 2012I agree. All it needs is Patrick at the end of that sentence.
That’s a great description!
Joleene Naylor
/ September 11, 2012I think you’re right – I thought it needed something there! Thanks!
Juli Hoffman
/ September 5, 2012I like the shortened version much better, it’s more focused and concise.
Joleene Naylor
/ September 11, 2012Thanks, Juli
David Knight (@ascensionforyou)
/ September 6, 2012Def better Jo, greater intrique / leads you in. Nice one. D
Joleene Naylor
/ September 11, 2012Thanks! did you get the email i sent?