Interview with Sin

Hello! My name is Katelina, and welcome to Weekend Character Interviews. Using state of the art-mumbo-jumbo author magic, Jo has temporarily bent the laws of fictional space and time to allow various literary universes to converge long enough for me to ask different characters a few questions. Since I spend a lot of time in the Amaranthine series quizzing vampires on what they’re doing, where they’re going and why, Jo thought I would be the perfect interviewer.

Today we are interviewing Sin from Shaun Allan’s novel Sin.

Katelina: Hello Sin! Welcome! So the book is named after you?

Sin: Yep. The book I’m in is called Sin.  Yes, the same as my name.  That wasn’t my doing – I’m not being all self-obsessed or anything like that.  Blame the writer, some guy called Shaun Allan or something.

K: Must be nice. My series is named after a flower or a rock or something. I dunno, my lousy author found it on thesaurus.com. Enough of that, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself?

S: I’m just an ordinary guy.

Well, I wish I was just an ordinary guy.  Unfortunately I’m not.  People have a habit of dying around me.  As such, though I’m originally from Grimsby, an old fishing port in the UK, I’m now residing in a mental asylum.

I’m 5’9”, a few pounds more than I would like but not many and my hair is grey at my temples.  It’s been that way for years.  I can’t think why.  Oh, and I’ve got a nice bum.

Well, I may not have, but I thought I’d throw that in there.

K: Wow, well at least you have a sense of humor still. You say people die around you? Um… I’m not going to ask how. Heh-heh.  Though I’ve seen a lot of people die, and as someone with a …  maybe similar experience(No, no, I don’t want to know HOW they die… I don’t judge) I have to ask, are you haunted by those that have died? 

S: Yes.  I hear their screams every night and most days.  When it gets too much, I kick-off so they come and top up my drug levels.  Not that it works particularly well.

K: They give you drugs? What the heck! I don’t get drugs! Moving on, would you say you evolve through the story?

S: I do, yes.  In various ways.  At the start, people tend not to be keen on me, which is a shame as I’m actually lovely (honest).  As the story goes on, they realise that, although bad things happen, I do try my best to stop them.  Also, I do end up getting a handle on these issues (without giving anything away) and do my best to make good.

Asylum for Insane, Queen West, Toronto, Ontario, Canada (1910)

photo by Toronto Public Library Special Collections under CC license

K: Well, you seem okay to me. But then my boyfriend rips vampires’ hearts out, so you know. Speaking of that, do you have any enemies in this book?

S:  I do, though I don’t realise it to begin with.  There’s Dr. Connors.  To the outside world, he’s a talented psychiatrist whose only intent is to help and care for people.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  He knows what I can do and wants to use it for himself.

K: So is defeating him your biggest challenge in the book?

S: No. It’s accepting myself, I suppose.  Coming to terms with everything that I’d done.  And facing my sister, who died – although she might just be in my head.

K: In your head, huh? (Still not judging). So, how about the romance angle in the story? Are you involved with someone?

S:  I was, once.  But she used to take a certain bus to work…

K: Um… okay. I’m going to guess… nope, no guessing. So what would you say is the one thing you want most?

S: To be normal.  To be able to watch TV, walk down the street or eat a bacon butty and not worry if people will die.

K: I’ve heard of bacon butties, but what are they? How do you make them?

S: Don’t use smoked bacon, and make sure it’s just edging on crispy.  Then you only need bread and butter.  Why mess about with the taste by adding ketchup or brown sauce?

Commence Battle Bacon!

photo by Mafu under CC license

K: So it’s a bacon and butter sandwich? Interesting. That actually sounds kind of good.

S: Oh!  Why did you make me think of a bacon butty?  We only get slop in here, so the last thing I need to be thinking of is a crispy bacon butty… Thanks…

K: Sorry about that, though you did mention them first… You’re not a serial killer are you? No, never mind, don’t tell me. Let’s just go with this question: What event do you feel shaped your personality?

S: Probably being called ‘Sin’ by my parents.  It caused a lot of beatings in the playground and a lot of jokes from my father.  It meant I treat most things, good or bad, with a dry sense of humour laced with sarcasm.

K: Oh. I thought that was like a nickname. It looks like we’re running out of time, but I have two questions left. If you could say one thing to your readers, what would it be?

S: Don’t flip a coin you happen to find on the street.  See a penny, pick it up and all day long you’ll have good luck.  That’s what they told you.  They lied.

K: That’s a bit cryptic. And if you could say one thing to your author?

S: Couldn’t you have written for Disney instead?

K: That’s a good one! I’d ask mine that but she’s such a psycho Disney wouldn’t take her!

   

And with that we’re out of time! You can find Sin in his own self-titled novel Sin by Shaun Allan, available at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Sin-ebook/dp/B00883KV3C/

And a special thank you to Shaun Allan for playing along!

If you’re an author and would like your character(s) to be interviewed by me, then check out this very cool page that has all the details:

http://joleenenaylor.wordpress.com/character-interviews/

Interview with Shuki Bolkiah

Hello! My name is Katelina, and welcome to Weekend Character Interviews. Using state of the art-mumbo-jumbo author magic, Jo has temporarily bent the laws of fictional space and time to allow various literary universes to converge long enough for me to ask different characters a few questions. Since I spend a lot of time in the Amaranthine series quizzing vampires on what they’re doing, where they’re going and why, Jo thought I would be the perfect interviewer.

Today we are interviewing Shuki from M.A. McRae’s novel Not a Man

Not a Man

Shuki: My name is Shuki Bolkiah and I live in a remote part of Arabia. I am an educated man, though when my story begins, it would have seemed so unlikely. Then I was just a child, not long taken from the slums by a rich and powerful man. Hassenal Daoud had a very powerful influence on my life. If not for Master Hassenal, I may never have learned to read and write, I would certainly never have been to England or anywhere else. It is quite likely that I would not have survived until adulthood. Children die in Elbarada, of starvation and of disease. My family lived in the worst of the slums, an area where the infant mortality rate was almost 90%.

On the other hand, if I had not met Master Hassenal, assuming I did survive, I would have been truly a man. The name of my book is called ‘Not a Man.’ I was just ten, and he changed me. I never forgave him for that, and yet I did not hate him. He was my protector. He thought he loved me. He changed my life.

K: Wow! That sounds pretty complex! So what kind of a book would you say this is?

S: My author has called my story a ‘Coming of Age.’  That is what it is.  When I was young, I felt such a sense of inferiority. I stayed puny when the other boys grew strong and hard. Men wanted me, when they never would have thought of wanting the others. My face stayed pretty instead of turning into the face of a true man. My body is hairless, my face beardless. It took a long time for me to accept my differences, and to know that I am just as worthy as any other person, even if not a man in the full sense of the world.

K: That’s an important lesson that a lot of people could use. I’d guess learning that was your biggest challenge, or is there a bigger one?

S: After I was attacked at Oxford, the biggest challenge I faced was just to survive. It seemed then that there was nowhere I could live and be safe. That was before I found my dear friends, my wives. That day, if I had not forgotten my rifle, then there would have been no more story. I would have ended it then. Elei would have been broken-hearted, I know that now, but at the time, I had not yet understood how truly he loved me. I loved him as well, but for me, it took time for that love to grow. I think it’s different for me than it is for true men, who can by blinded by lust and call it love.

K: So you and Elei are involved in a romance?

S: I do not understand ‘romance.’  I have come to very much love my partner, Elei, but it was not like that in the beginning. It was just that I thought that just maybe I could survive if Elei kept me close. Elei is strong and brave and intelligent and he holds me close at night. Elei is my love.

K: Yeah. That’s romance right there. Sounds like Elei is a wonderful man! But, on the flip side, do you have any enemies in the book?

S: There was one who seemed to me as if he represented all my enemies. His name was Moran. He wanted to buy me as a slave, but by then I had my wives and children to look after and to live for. Instead of waiting for him to act, I removed the threat. I killed him. When I was ten, few men wanted me, but as I grew, it seemed that almost every man wanted me. Always, I had to guard myself. Always I had to be aware of my surroundings. I was prey and still am. Men are my nemesis – whole men that is, not like me, a eunuch.

K: A eunuch? Um, not to get too personal, but… well… how did that happen? If you don’t mind telling us?

S: There was an operation.

Image provided by author

K: Oh. I guess that’s probably the answer to my next question, “What event most shaped your life”?

S: Most people would assume that it was that operation that made me as I am. It is true that I would have been different in personality as well as in body if that had not happened. But what had the most effect on me was when I thought so deeply of my prospects after that meeting with Dr. Stewart McKenzie. He explained to me just what they had done, and what it made me.  There was no way of going back. That wicked operation could never be undone.  What choice did I have? If I had left Master Hassenal, I would have tried to survive by thievery and begging, just another of the horde of street urchins that live in Elbarada. Few survive long. So I had to accept what was done; I had to live with it, and I had to make the most of every opportunity I was given. And so I have done ever since.

K: It sounds like you had a very hard life. What else did you have to do to survive? I heard a… um… rumor that you and a Mr. Horie… well… that you received money in exchange for certain “favors”, shall we say….

S: It is true. It was when I had left my master, and was living alone in England. I quite deliberately went to a place where rich men gather, and I offered a night with me in return for a very large amount of money. I wanted to go to University, and I needed money. Remember that at heart, even now, I am just a slum boy, surviving the best way that I can. From the ages of ten to fifteen, I shared the bed of a rich man in order to have food, shelter and safety. For me, it was the obvious thing to do.

K: Weren’t you scared?

S: Very nervous. I didn’t think he would hurt me, but I don’t like sex and never will. But then he held me all night. I think it’s the best thing in the world to be held like that, all night.  I came to have a very deep regard for Mr. Horie.

K: Were there others besides him?

S: That paid for it, do you mean?  No. There were never any others. When Mr. Horie died, that was the finish. I never took money for sex again.

K: We’re getting low on time, but I have a couple more questions, if you don’t mind. If you could say anything to your readers, what would it be?

S: I would explain that sometimes things happen, and the only choice you have is to accept it and learn to make a life anyway. Make the most of what you have. There is no point yearning for what you cannot have.

K: Wow, that’s a very profound comment! What is the thing that you want the most in the world?

S: The one thing that I want?  I think that I already have all that I want. I have four wonderful women to be my friends and companions and I have two children to dote on. They are not of my blood. It makes no difference. Veiha and Tarik are my children.  And I have Elei. What more could I want? I do not yearn for what I lost when I was ten. One does not miss what one has never had.

book open stack 2

photo by me

K: Well I’m glad to hear that it all works out so well! That rarely happens in the books I’m involved in. Your author must be nicer than mine. And speaking of authors, if you could say one thing to yours, what would it be?

S: No idea. It would be like saying something to some almighty god – authors do exactly what they choose to do. Just as long as the ending is happy, we poor characters cannot ask for more than that.

K: Shhhh! Don’t let my author hear that or she’ll be trying to get rid of us again for “characters who cooperate”!

Jo: What? Did I just hear the sound of a good, respectful character? You should be more like this fine example of…

K: *groans* too late.

And with that we’re out of time! You can find Shuki in M.A. McRae’s novel Not a Man available at Smashwords at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/169513

And a special thank you to M.A. McRae for playing along!

If you’re an author and would like your character(s) to be interviewed by me, then check out this very cool page that has all the details:

 

http://joleenenaylor.wordpress.com/character-interviews/

Interview with Gideon Thomas

Jamie’s interview will be posted next week because Katelina has another interview to do…

Hello! My name is Katelina, and welcome to Weekend Character Interviews. Using state of the art-mumbo-jumbo author magic, Jo has temporarily bent the laws of fictional space and time to allow various literary universes to converge long enough for me to ask different characters a few questions. Since I spend a lot of time in the Amaranthine series quizzing vampires on what they’re doing, where they’re going and why, Jo thought I would be the perfect interviewer. 

Today we are interviewing Gideon Thomas from Susan Koenig’s short Nineteen Hundred. With short brown hair, deep brown eyes and sharp suit, he looks quite the businessman!

Nineteen Hundred

Katelina: Hello Gideon! Welcome and can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Gideon: For the past 40 years I have worked for Mr. D and that is all I will say about that. Since the job is fairly new, some of the conflicts I encounter surprise me and consequently I may not always make the correct choices. So be it.

K: Wait, 40 years? You look 30!

G: Yes, I am 70 years old but look 30, the age when I died.

K: The story is set in the year 1900, right? But, well, you don’t really LOOK very Victorian…

G: My moustache and beard were neatly trimmed in keeping with the Victorian fashion.

K: Oh, do you have a photo?

G: No. Cameras in 1900 did not produce a good quality image and anyway I avoided them at all costs.

K: I see. What challenges do you face in Nineteen Hundred?

G: It is more of a conflict really. *he reaches into his jacket producing his watch which he places into his cupped palm and clutches like a raft in the middle of the ocean*Wanting to be with Kathryn and make her happy but as I said earlier, I have secrets that must be kept about my profession.  It is an obligation I am bound to. In addition I had to blend into the society of the times and not stand out or be noticed. I could not bring undue attention to my actions.

K: How do you think you evolve during the course of the story?

by Geotrac | Dreamstime.com - 

G: The story opens the fateful night   Kathryn and I met.  My dark soul was drawn to her innocence. I knew she could take me places I have always longed for but would never admit to myself.  Up to that time I was resigned to the direction my life had taken me.  As we spent more time together, well, I guess the only way to put it… is… well…I fell in love with her.  My employer forbids that sort of thing but I was helpless to prevent it. By the end of the story I am no longer sure of my decisions. *His hands clasp and unclasp in his lap*

K: Sounds like a romance story –

G: Hmmm. * eyes scrutinize the ceiling* Well I told you before I fell in love with her It never occurred to me to call it a romance. Romance implies intimacy whether physical, intellectual or psychological. What Kathryn and I had… I enjoyed her intelligence and curiosity. She is so innocent and needs protection. Though her eyes are splendid. They mirrored her emotions.  And her hair enchanted me…. but romance? Perhaps the readers can determine if we were romantically involved.

K: Oh. Well, either way, it doesn’t sound like there’s a lot of running and screaming, so I’ll guess you don’t really have any enemies?

G: No enemies as such. Perhaps my nemesis, if that is the correct term, was my stubbornness, or a more positive word, my dedication. I have secrets to keep and possibly I sheltered them too well. The consequences would be dire if I did reveal them.   And who would believe me? I had been schooled in the art of duplicity for too long to change easily.

K: What event do you think helped to shape you and your personality?

G: Loving Kathryn affected my life for the next 110 years.

K: What is the one thing you want the most in the whole world?

G: Well that is an odd question. *squirms in his seat and stares into the distance*  Something I never (dared) think about.

K: Hmm. Okay. It looks like we’re running out of time, so two more questions. If you could say anything to your author, what would it be?

G: I do not blame you. You had no choice considering my behavior.

K: That’s an intriguing answer. And if you could say anything to your readers what would it be?

G: Ensure a good supply of tissues at hand when you read about us.

And with that we’re out of time! You can find Gideon in usan Koenig’s story Nineteen Hundred available at

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Nineteen-Hundred-ebook/dp/B00864KMXM

Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/165037

And be sure to check out Sue’s blog at http://sassyspeaks.wordpress.com/

And a special thank you to Susan Koenig for playing along!

If you’re an author and would like your character(s) to be interviewed by me, then check out this very cool page that has all the details:


http://joleenenaylor.wordpress.com/character-interviews/

Heir of Nostalgia by Steve Muse

This is an excerpt from Heir of Nostalgia by Steve Muse, available on Amazon.

Blurb:
Age Level: 14 and up | Grade Level: 9 and up

I’m here to tell you, the world never started out this way. It became this way through a mistake, through my pride. I created the Hell we all have to live through. Because of me, the decisions I made, the world has been earmarked for suffering. I tore the veil between life and death. I caused the great shift, the new awakening. Because of me, the world will never be the same.”

Theo Valerian’s world is one of privilege, of always having enough, of having everything go his way. Up until the moment he meets Phillip, a thirteen year old runaway.

Phillip is homeless, hungry, and heartbroken. He’s been living on the streets of New York ever since losing his family. Since that time, the only thing that keeps him going is thoughts of vengeance. He’s looking for the man he feels is responsible for his father’s disappearance, the same man that destroyed his family, a man with silver singing spurs that can walk between worlds. Will a Riot Grrl called Maggie, who claims she can talk to angels, be able to help Phillip? Will a murder of ravens masquerading as teenage thugs defeat them? Or are there stronger forces at work, dark forces? Forces bent on destroying everything in Phillips life?

No one ever said growing up would be easy- then again no one ever said it would be this hard either.

Excerpt:

I finally located Phillip, he was with a man- but before I go there, there is something you must know, the corners of the roof, the corners of the doorways, anything at all that resembled a clear ninety degree angle of any sort; they all began to bleed darkness like a severed artery bleeds blood.

And that darkness the corners bled began to pool.

“Dad?” Not a cry, not an observation, but a plea from my son.

“Don’t worry,” I said, trying to reassure him, “everything is going to be alright.”  But I was lying; everything wasn’t going to be alright, because everything felt so incredibly wrong, starting with the man lounging beside the entrance of the stairwell leading back down into Union Station, the one with his hand on the back of Phillip’s neck, the one with the smirk on his face, raven hair hanging in strings alongside a face so pale, so long, as to appear cartoonish and sinister, the one holding a small silver dagger against my son’s throat.

In the fading light of day, “I’m glad you could join us.”  A voice so harsh, so painful, that simply hearing it is enough to cause headaches and nosebleeds.  Gratingly low, it sounded like what dragging your fist through a box of broken glass would feel like, only in your head.

“What do you want,” I asked.

Over the man’s left shoulder, hanging low upon the horizon, Domiciles sword, the all too familiar comet, like a blood smear drawn across the sky.

The man appeared to be dressed in the rags, the haphazard clothing of a street dweller.  In other words, nothing all that unique or familiar about him, in fact, he could have been anybody, but at the same time it was obvious he was more than that.  From the look on Phillip’s face, the boys stance, his drawn shoulders and hunched back, the man’s grip obviously caused him a great deal of pain.

Before the man answered, he seemed to breathe in deeply, as if ‘tasting’ the very air, like a bloodhound seeking to catch the scent of his recently acquired prey, “Nothing now,” he said.

The way he said this only confirmed what I already knew, that we were in for some serious trouble.  It would take more than simply staring the man down to get rid of him.  If he could be gotten rid of at all.

“Is there anything I can do?  Can we talk about this?”  I hated doing it, bargaining with both our lives, but I’d do anything at the moment.  Try as I might, I couldn’t shake the quivering of fear from my voice.

Phillip immediately picked up on my fear, because of this, any glimmer of hope in his eyes and on his face, quickly vanished, as tears began to leak from his eyes.  ‘Sorry,’ he silently mouthed.

‘It’s alright,’ I returned.

“There is nothing to discuss.  The only reason you two are still breathing is because, it has been such a long time since I’ve been here.  My curiosity has bought you both a momentary stay of execution, that’s all.”

It was obvious, unlike the majority of bad guys portrayed in popular novels, and/or made for the TV or big screen, our ‘bad guy’ was neither stupid nor obnoxiously helpless, simply put, if dark and gruesome had anything to say about it, we were going to die.

The only real question left to answer, was when.


About Steve Muse:

After meeting Frank Herbert, author of the acclaimed Dune Series, I decided the life of writing was for me. That was about 30 years ago, I’ve been writing ever since.

Heir of Nostalgia is my first published novel, and thanks to the encouragement of my loving wife Janet, is the first in a series chronicling the trials and tribulations of young man in search of his family, his country as well as his place in the world.

Here’s to the land of wonder, an air of Nostalgia, and childhood memories. May we never grow too old to dream… Got a question, comment or review, I’d love to hear from you. Simply drop me a line at: heirofnostalgia@gmail.com.

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For more information  please visit :


Interview with Angel Collins

Hello! My name is Katelina, and welcome to Weekend Character Interviews. Using state of the art-mumbo-jumbo author magic, Jo has temporarily bent the laws of fictional space and time to allow various literary universes to converge long enough for me to ask different characters a few questions. Since I spend a lot of time in the Amaranthine series quizzing vampires on what they’re doing, where they’re going and why, Jo thought I would be the perfect interviewer. 

Today we have Angela Collins – another character from Mark Mackey.

Maureen: A Vampire Tale

Katelina: hello Angela! Can you tell us a little about yourself?

Angela:  No problem. I’m Angela Collins, full blooded Vampire.

K: Aha! I thought I recognized those fangs! You’re not from Maine, by any chance, are you? Or Iowa?

A: I’m a resident of New York city.

K: Oh. We haven’t been there, yet. We always end up in out of the way places. So, which book are you in?

A: I grace the pages of Maureen: a vampire, and possibly my own future story/series.

K: That would be cool to get your own series! Especially if they named it after you!

*Verchiel enters*

Verchiel: Yes! Many of us side characters deserve our own series! I can think of one off the top of my head. Some of us need more page time, you know?

K: *to Verchiel* No, you don’t.

A: I do. Honestly, I don’t feel I’ve been given enough time in Maureen to evolve.

K: Well, I can see how that would be tough. But if you don’t have time to evolve then I guess you probably don’t have a host of enemies chasing you-

A: Enemies? Yeah, I do. Those pathetic Guzzers win that title, hands down.

K: Oh. Well, then do you get some romance?

A: I once was in a relationship, but he was killed on our very first date by a pack of Guzzers, who my sometime caretaker Miriam Kingston later mauled to death in her guise of a werewolf.

pooling blood

by Jo Naylor

V: So, you’re single? *Gives her a charming, fanged grin*

K: Oh for crying out loud! First Loren and now you! *to Maureen* Just ignore him. So… where were we? Oh, yeah. So what would you say is the biggest challenge you face in the story?

A: Oh, clearly being asked to turn my close friend Heather Rachel Tanners into a vampire.

K: Yeah, I could see that. It’s such a commitment, isn’t it? And being a vampire means a whole host of new problems – or wait. I guess in some universes it doesn’t. I mean, you drink blood, right?

A: Yes, of course.

K: Not human blood?

M: Yes, I do, actually.

V: It is tastier.

K: Um. *tugs at collar* What about sunlight? You don’t… sparkle, do you?

A: No, sunlight can kill me.

K: Oh, okay. Then you know what I mean about all the challenges! But I guess we’re running short on time so if you could say one thing to your author, what would it be?

A: Write that short story which has existed as an idea since May 2011 (the one about my date being killed).

New York by Night

by Marie P. via Flickr

A: Come pay me a visit in New York, and check out Maureen to read about what a fantastic creature of the night I am.

K: And since we’re almost out of time, last question; What is it that you want the most in the whole world?

A: To see what it’s like to live as a living, breathing human being.

K: And we’re outta time! I do want to say a big fat “SEE!” to Verchiel, here, who is of the opinion that vampires are superior.

V: They are.

Jorick *appears and glares at Verchile* What is HE doing?

K: Just leaving. A big thank you to Angela for stopping by. Remember you can find her in Maureen: A Vampire’s Tale by Mark Mackey.

And a special thanks to Mark Mackey for playing along!

  

If you’re an author and would like your character(s) to be interviewed by me, then check out this very cool page that has all the details:

http://joleenenaylor.wordpress.com/character-interviews/


Interview with Kristen Flemings

Hello! My name is Katelina, and welcome to Weekend Character Interviews. Using state of the art-mumbo-jumbo author magic, Jo has temporarily bent the laws of fictional space and time to allow various literary universes to converge long enough for me to ask different characters a few questions. Since I spend a lot of time in the Amaranthine series quizzing vampires on what they’re doing, where they’re going and why, Jo thought I would be the perfect interviewer. 

Today we have Kristen Flemings from the mind of Mark Mackey.

genesis

Kristen Flemings: Sure! I’m the most fabulous 16 year old bar none, super-hot blond, formerly of Blue Winter, Connecticut, now Mason Nevada. Cheerleader, student newspaper editor-in-chief and writer.

KM: Wow, that’s a heck of a description! So which books are you from exactly?

KF: So far I inhabit Genesis, Zombies of the Desert, Swan Song, and the Comet: an Alison Duncan Tale and other stories.

KM: Holy cow, that’s a lot. I wish my author wrote that much! So what’s it like being a fabulous teenager?

KF:  At first, I simply wanted to live an ordinary life, but as the story progressed, I realized, hey, I’m supposed to be somewhat of a sidekick to Elizabeth Duncan.

KM: I bet you have some enemies, at school, at least.

KF: Actually, yes. My older sister Jennifer, even before she became a flesh loving zombie, she didn’t seem to like me very much, and I put the blame on her pathetic excuses for friends, Cassidy Edgemore and Sandra “Sandy” Cashers.

KM: Whoa! So there are real zombies? I thought that was just a metaphor or something!

KF: Nope! You can’t get any more real than having your sister a flesh eating zombie!

zombies of the desert

KF: Problems? Ha-ha, yeah, I can chalk mu biggest up to one word, surviving.

KM: Wow. So what’s the worst thing that happens to you?

KF: Simple, nearly getting devoured by my older sister Jennifer. It toughened me up a bit.

KM: Holy crap! Well, you’ve at least got a lot of boys, right?

KF: Ha-ha, I wish I was involved in a romance.

KM: Wow. I think your author is meaner than mine. Seriously! Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you hadn’t been dropped into all o fthis?

KF: You mean if I hadn’t ended up in Genesis? (That’s one of the books!) probably I’d have gotten cursed along with poor Amanda and Gillian, and there would have been three of use going to remove the curses instead.

KM: Who’s Amanda?

KF: Amanda Hansen, she’s my best friend, at my side. Sorry Elizabeth, Amanda’s always going to be my best friend.

KM: At least your author gave you a friend! Wow-

Loren, a teen vampire from the Amaranthine series, suddenly appears. (It is of note that though he’s a vampire and a teen he does not sparkle.)

Loren: Hey, what’s up? I see you’re doing your, erm, interviews?

KM: Hello, Loren. Do you want something?

L: I was just thinkin’, you know, Old J gets to help out all the time so maybe it was my turn. *Offers Kristen a grin that is meant to be friendly*.

KM: Yeah, I know what you’re doing. Out! This is not a dating service! Find girls elsewhere!

L: Oh come one! She’s a single cheerleader! I mean, uh, I never meant… erm… I mean, I have a question!

KM: Fine! What? And it better be a good one!

Books (118 / 365)

photo by Casey Fleser via flickr

KF: a tie between Hazelwood V. Kuhlmeier and the School Newspaper Censorship Debate by Tracy A. Philips, and School Newspaper Adviser’s Survival Guide by Patricia Osborn.

KM: See? She’s outta your league, Loren. Now scat.

L: But I have another question!

KM: “What are you doing next Tuesday?” is not an interview question! Besides, we’re running out of time. *turns back to Kristen* If you could say one thing to your author, what would it be?

KF: Hey Mark, make an entire series starring me.

KM: Fair enough. And if you could say one thing to your readers?

KF: Buy Genesis and Zombies of the Desert, read all about how much of a fantastic person I am.

KM: And with that it seems we’re out of time! A special thank you to Kristen Flemings for stopping by and – hey! Loren! What did I say? Leave the guests alone!

Remember you can find her in Genesis, Zombies of the Desert, Swan Song, and the Comet: an Alison Duncan Tale and other stories by Mark Mackey

(Loren! I said scram!)

And a special thanks to Mark Mackey for playing along!

 

If you’re an author and would like your character(s) to be interviewed by me, then check out this very cool page that has all the details:

http://joleenenaylor.wordpress.com/character-interviews/


Interview with Selene Pierre

**A Special Apology – this should have posted over the weekend, alas I had it saved as a draft, not as a post.**

Hello! My name is Katelina, and welcome to Weekend Character Interviews. Using state of the art-mumbo-jumbo author magic, Jo has temporarily bent the laws of fictional space and time to allow various literary universes to converge long enough for me to ask different characters a few questions. Since I spend a lot of time in the Amaranthine series quizzing vampires on what they’re doing, where they’re going and why, Jo thought I would be the perfect interviewer. 

Today we have Selene Pierre from Luna Charles’ debut literary novel Men Are Not the Problem.

Men Are Not the Problem

Katelina: Welcome Selene and thanks for coming. Could you tell us a little about yourself?

Selene: I was born in Port Au Prince, Haiti. But now live in Sarasota, Fl. Unlike most of my Haitian compatriots that most people see on television, my complexion is of a honey hue, which has caused me some difficulties fitting in both there and here.

K: I think it’s lovely. I used to spend hours trying to get a nice color like that! Of course, not so much time in the sun anymore. *cough*. Anyway, so a literary novel? I expect that means you’re not really running around killing monsters or fighting enemies, right? No real nemesis?

S: Hmmm. I don’t know if I can call my ex a nemesis. I don’t really thing he has the intelligence for mastermind anything. But he really was a complete and total selfish, egotistical, butt-hole. Who used me to get what he wanted and dropped like with the empathy of someone throwing away a used piece of toilet paper.

K: Wow. Sounds like a jerk. No wonder he’s an ex. You’re better off with out him! Though it’s probably hard, I guess.

S: The hardest part is overcoming my own self deprecation. I have spent my whole life taking care of everyone else, from family to men and never took the time for myself. And although what happened was tragic, it really opened my eyes to what kind of people I was basically giving up my soul for.

K: So would you say that was the one event that really changed your life, or is there another one?

S: This one. Falling in love with Michael, leaving everything I knew behind to be with him. The callous way he assume that the decision he had made for what I should do with my body was the right one, without even asking. I was so taken back by his audaciousness. Just plain insensitive, it was like, he never really care for me only had been faking it all the time.

The beauty we see, is the magic we feel, the urban landmarks are all supported by urban nature in the world! Explore my friends!:)

photo by UggBoy/Ugg Girl via Flickr

S: It’s more like the death of a romance, lol. I think women will find it very revolutionary how I finally stand up for myself and tell the bastard to go sit on one and twirl.

K: It sounds like you evolve a lot during the course of this story.

S: My evolution, if you can call it that was part voluntary and part, no real other choice. I grow up, to put in lightly. I go from, why does every men I ever gave my heart always treat me like poop and I must not be worthy of the love that I have so dearly desired? To, I have been allowing men to treat me this way and that why they do.

I learned that I needed to move on, by myself to find myself, before I can ever attempt to find real love

K: Do you see yourself sharing more of your story in another novel?

S: Yes, Luna is currently working on another novel starring me. I will be facing different challenges, but I have actually found true love at last.

K: Yay! I know, I know, I’m a bit of a romantic. It’s my author’s fault. And speaking of authors, if you could say something to yours, what would it be?

Loving yourself

photo by Jeremy Atkinson via flickr

<strong>S: Thank you. So many women my age go through these situations in silence without a voice. Now they know they are not alone and hopefully this will give them the strength to do what I did.

K: That’s nice! It must be great to have a good author! Do you have a message for your readers?

S: If you’re with a person that is hurting you, either physically or emotionally or even just taking for granted, you need to seriously consider that it’s time to walk away. I promise you something better is waiting for you.

K: That is so very true! And it looks like we’re almost out fo time! But, before you go, what is it that you want the most in the whole world?

S: To never to go back to the person I used to be. Always remember self love is the most important thing.

K: and with those sage words we must close this interview. Thanks so much to Selene for stopping by! Remember you can find more of her in Author/ Men Are Not The Problem by Luna Charles Hardcastle – check out menarenottheproblem.comfor more details.

And a special thanks to Luna Charles Hardcastle for playing along!

If you’re an author and would like your character(s) to be interviewed by me, then check out this very cool page that has all the details:

http://joleenenaylor.wordpress.com/character-interviews/

Interview with Dakota

Hello! My name is Katelina, and welcome to Weekend Character Interviews. Using state of the art-mumbo-jumbo author magic, Jo has temporarily bent the laws of fictional space and time to allow various literary universes to converge long enough for me to ask different characters a few questions. Since I spend a lot of time in the Amaranthine series quizzing vampires on what they’re doing, where they’re going and why, Jo thought I would be the perfect interviewer. 

Today we have Dakota from the Emily Dahill, CID Part by Lindsay Downs! You might remember that we had Gerri and her cat recently? Well, I did say we should have a dog to make things even and guess what?

We do!

Even cooler, the laws of literary universes have been further bent so we can have a conversation with Dakota! Let’s give a big welcome to our furry visitor!

Emily Dahill, CID Part 1

Katelina: Welcome Dakota! Could you tell us a little about yourself?

Dakota: It is just so cool being here and away, even for a little while, from work and mom. There’s really not all that much to tell. You know, everyone thinks us collies all look alike. In other words those silly humans think of me as that one from TV and the movies…oh what’s her name. (deep in thought he scratches his muzzle with a hind paw) Oh yeah, Lassie. Well, let me tell you we’re as different as you people. I’m what’s called a tri-color, meaning I have black, tan, or as I like to call it sable. Sounds classier, don’t you think and white. All three are distinctive, as you can see. (Dakota chuckles as he pirouettes to show off his coloration). Mom, that’s Emily, says I have the most expressive deep brown eyes she’s ever seen.

K: You do have very pretty eyes. –

Jorick (appears) Now who has pretty eyes? If it’s another one of those fantasy heroes-

K: *sarcastically* It’s a dog, Jorick. A dog. See?

Jorick: Oh, right. Is it house trained?

*Dakota and Katelina give him a disdainful look*

K: Moving on. I’m guessing you live with Emily?

D: She and I share a really nice log house sort of buried in the woods. We even have a family of wolves that live nearby. Sometimes I’ll sneak some table scraps to take them so their mother, when she has trouble getting out to hunt, can feed the kits.

K: That sounds nice! I wouldn’t mind a trip out to the woods for a few weeks – provided there’s a TV. Though I guess TV probably isn’t a priority for you, huh?

D: Don’t forget, I’m a collie and to me the important things in life are food, sleep, play, food, play, oh did I mention sleep and food and helping to catch bad guys.

K: You mention bad guys. Do you have any enemies?

D: Not so much me but mom have a nemesis. From what I’ve been able to understand mom doesn’t know the guy’s name. Only that he has brown hair, so that’s how we refer to him as ‘the brown-haired man’. The best way to find out about this person and there’s no guarantee the name used is even his real one is to read the first story Final Mission. This happened before Emily and I hooked up. But I did have a chance meeting with the bum in the story A Body in the Snow. That’s where I first caught his scent. And let me tell you, he had a stink that could raise the dead. I knew he to be a danger mostly to mom so I quickly developed a special deep throat growl when I get a whiff of him. It’s happened since that story was first told. You can learn more about him and me in A Body in the Attic where he reappears.

As far as the how’s and why’s he became the enemy, I don’t think even mom knows.

K: Is he going to be back for future stories?

D: I don’t know. I’ve heard that Emily is talking to someone about other stories but don’t really know anything about that.

a collie in profile.jpg

photo by Joleene Naylor

D: Right! I’m sweet, adorable, loveable, and a good partner, always looking after her back. Oh, did I mention sexy as hell. All the girls just love me. Must be my killer smile. (He smiled at me to show off that smile). Seen better.

K: Ha ha! So if all the girls love you, does that mean you have a little Collie sweetheart somewhere?

D: Not. I got snipped as a puppy.

K: Ouch! You’re author sounds like a killer – well, a snipper. *heh-heh* If you could say one thing to her, what would it be?

D: Lindsay, “Stop giving mom all the good scenes.”

K: Sounds like a fair enough request. And if you could say something to your readers?

D: Woof, woof. If you want to laugh and cry tears of joy then Emily Dahill, CID Part 1 is the book for you. And you’ll love what I did to that poor soldier’s rifle.

K: Now I’m curious! Though I think my worthless author knows… not that she’ll make an appearance.

Jorick: She never bothers.

shot_1303113690669

not quite a t-bone....

D: You mean beside getting a one inch thick t-bones steak medium-rare every night for supper. I guess keeping mom safe really would be at the top of the list. Okay, equal to the steak.

Before I go, I have a question for your friend *eyes Jorick*. Well, you see mom wants me to be a werecollie for Halloween. Now, how anemic is that. What I’d love to know is where did you get those fantastic fangs? Boy, with a set of chompers like those hanging out of my mouth I’d make a super vampire collie. See, I could walk around on my hind legs (he hops up and walks around the room). Now that would really scare the people. So, my question, is where did you buy them and do you think they’d have a pair in my size?

K: You know, this brings up an interesting question-

J: Try Fangs R Us. I hear they have quite a collection.

K: Fangs R Us? You just made that up!

J: And with that we’re out of time!

K: Hey! That’s my line! A big thank you to Dakota for giving us all a dog’s eye view of his world. (heh-heh) You can find more of him in the Emily Dahill, CID Part by Lindsay Downs.

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Emily-Dahill-CID-Part-ebook/dp/B005F5D2JG/

Astraea Press: http://www.astraeapress.com/#ecwid:category=662245&mode=product&product=5192868

Barnes & Noble- http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/emily-dahill-cid-part-one-lindsay-downs/1104547210

Bookstrand- http://www.bookstrand.com/emily-dahill-cid-part-one

And to request an autograph on your Kindle: http://kindlegraph.com/authors/ldowns2966

 

And a special thanks to Lindsay Downs for playing along!


If you’re an author and would like your character(s) to be interviewed by me, then check out this very cool page that has all the details:

http://joleenenaylor.wordpress.com/character-interviews/

Interview with Gillian Jones

Hello! My name is Katelina, and welcome to Weekend Character Interviews. Using state of the art-mumbo-jumbo author magic, Jo has temporarily bent the laws of fictional space and time to allow various literary universes to converge long enough for me to ask different characters a few questions. Since I spend a lot of time in the Amaranthine series quizzing vampires on what they’re doing, where they’re going and why, Jo thought I would be the perfect interviewer. 

Today we have Gillian Jones from the Gillian jones Mystery series (wow! To have a series named after yourself, how cool is that?). The series is written by Lois Lewandowski.

The Fatal Heir

Katelina: Welcome Gillian! Can you tell us a little about yourself?

Gillian: I’m probation officer Gillian Jones and I have my own mystery series. My books are contemporary cozies. The books are set in Bend Brook, Nebraska, but I haven’t always lived there. My maternal grandmother raised me in Chicago until I was twelve and she died of cancer. After that, there was a bitter custody battle between my mother and father – at least bitter for me since neither of my parents really wanted me. My mother won, and I went to live with her and my step-father in Des Moines. We later moved to Omaha and I graduated from Westside High. My mother and I have an awkward relationship and although I resemble her in looks – we’re both tall and slender with dark brown wavy hair, we are nothing alike otherwise.

K: My author has family in Omaha. I think she used to live over there somewhere.

*waits for Jo to appear.*

*Nothing happens*

K: Well, that was informative. Thanks, oh mighty author. (sarcasm). Since this si a mystery series, I’d bet there’s some action, and action usually means enemies, right?

G: Dot Derfenmeyer is my courthouse nemesis. She considers herself the matriarch of the county offices and she is a micro-manager who likes to be in control of everything – including my office space. I have an area in my office which can be seen by the public when my door is open. She’d like holiday displays there and I’d like, well, maybe some more chairs. We’ve been sparring over my office space since the first book.

K: Nice! I know people like that! Dealing with them is sure challenging! Is that the biggest challenge you face in the series, or are there others?

G: Besides solving a mystery, my biggest challenge is whether to have children. I can’t seem to get pregnant on my own and fertility treatments are expensive. I’m very hesitant to adopt since most babies hate me. Plus, I don’t know if I’d love any child who appeared on my doorstep. This is a subject very close to my heart since I was the child that appeared on my mother’s doorstep when I was twelve and I certainly wouldn’t describe our relationship as loving.

The Burden of Truth

K: Aw. I can see how that could be a tough decision, especially if you really want children of your own. I usually ask my guests what it is they want most in the whole world. What would your answer to that be?

G: That’s easy, what I want most is a perfect life and a perfect family. It seems like everyone else’s life just goes naturally from point A to point B. Mine, on the other hand, zigzags all over the place.

K: I think the zig-zag is in the eye of the beholder, if you know what I mean. I know my life is a mess! But I guess if there’s no conflict we never evolve, do we? How do you evolve over the course of the series?

G: I have to resolve issues about my own past before I can decide on the future. Every book brings me a little closer to having closure in my life – and I find myself a bit stronger both physically and mentally.

K: Stronger is good. What’s one of the conflicts you’ve faced that really stand out as life changing?

G: One of the most horrific events of my life was an accident on Highway 6 between Lincoln and Omaha. The accident put me in the hospital for six weeks and in a rehabilitation center for six months. My then-husband Vincent, who was in medical school, served me with divorce papers. While I was in the rehabilitation hospital. I wallowed in self-pity. Not that I didn’t have a reason—my leg and pelvis had been broken, and my left ankle had been shattered and had to be rebuilt. I did recover from the accident and am walking again, albeit without high heels. I’ve gone on with life and am trying to decide what I want, and not just what my mother and other people have wanted for me.

K: Bravo! My mother is always after me to get married. It’s not that I’m against marriage or anything, of course. It’s just… you know. Um, so, are you married?

G: I’m glad you asked that! Yes, I am married. My husband, Clint, doesn’t have a lot to say in the books, but he is a great guy. I met him in the rehab hospital when I was roommates with his aunt Rosalee (she was a double knee replacement). One of the things I find so appealing about him is that he always agrees with me. Even though I may have married Clint on the rebound, I’ve really come to love him and I think my readers love him, too. I think we all would hate to see anything bad happen to him.

K: That sounds ominous. You don’t tink your author is planning something do you?

G: Let’s just say that I have a few words for her: Stop Thinking About Killing Clint!

K: Oh. Oh my! That was rather strong. Do you think she’ll listen?

G: I hope so. She can be very stubborn

A Public service message paid for by the Don't Kill Clint Foundation ;)

K: She can’t just randomly kill him, can she? Wait, does Clint help you solve the mysteries? Assistants often get whacked!

G: He hasn’t yet – but I’m sure he could! If anybody helps me solve the mysteries, it would be my mother-in-law, Marlene. Actually, she’s both a hindrance and a help. As a probation officer I have access to the National Crime Information Center and other databases, but if I want to know everything about someone in Bend Brook, I go to Marlene.

K: Oh. Whew! He might be safe then. And if Marlene is half hindrance she should be too, Authors love that. For some reason, they think readers do too. Speaking of readers, if you could say one thing to them, what would it be?

G: Well, a couple of readers (two, to be exact) have been offended that infertility is one of the plot threads and that it is sometimes introduced in a humorous vein. I’d like to say that the books are not meant to offend. My author even moved the fertility issue to the first chapter of the first book so if it’s a subject that is too close to the reader’s heart, they would know from the start and could choose whether or not to read the series.

K: She sounds pretty smart. You said first chapter of the first book. How many books are there in the series?

G: There are two, The Fatal Heir and The Burden of Truth. They recently became available as ebooks on Amazon and Smashwords. My author is working on a third, The State of Grace, and that book should be available in 2012.

K: I don’t want to upset you, but do you know if Clint survives the third book?

G:  (Sighs.) Yes, he’s fine in the third book. It’s the fourth book I’m worried about.

K: Well that’s something, at least. And, it looks like we’re out of time! Thanks for being interviewed today, Gillian.

G: Thanks for having me.

K: You can find more of Gillian (and the perhaps ill-fated Clint? Man, I am worried for the guy, now!) in the Gillian Jones Mystery Series.

The Fatal Heir:

 

 

The Burden of Truth

 

 

And a special thanks to Lois Lewandowski for playing along!


If you’re an author and would like your character(s) to be interviewed by me, then check out this very cool page that has all the details:

http://joleenenaylor.wordpress.com/character-interviews/

Interview with Geraldina Pottwatts

Hello! My name is Katelina, and welcome to Weekend Character Interviews. Using state of the art-mumbo-jumbo author magic, Jo has temporarily bent the laws of fictional space and time to allow various literary universes to converge long enough for me to ask different characters a few questions. Since I spend a lot of time in the Amaranthine series quizzing vampires on what they’re doing, where they’re going and why, Jo thought I would be the perfect interviewer. 

Today we have Geraldina Pottwatts from a collection of short stories by D M Yates – and it looks like she’s brought her cat. I think this is our first pet! Now we’ll have to have a dog later to even things out.

Sunset silhouette

By Geoff Wong via Flickr

Geraldina: Well, hon, I’m 65 years old.  I hate glasses, but I do use these here pince nez.  As you can see, I’m properly groomed with short styled hair.  I’ll admit I’m rather tall, but my late husband, Wally, didn’t mind.  God rest his sweet soul.  He was an archeologist.  That’s someone who digs up old stuff.  Now, I devote my time to the Lard (at this, she throws up her arms, looks to the ceiling and yells ‘Hallelujah, Lard’) and to my precious widdle Snookums-Doodles.  (She looks fondly at an excessively overweight cat, wearing a knit sweater, laying on his back in a pet stroller eating a cat treat.  As if in answer to her, he stops eating for a second and produces a rather loud belch, then continues eating).  I live somewhere in the Midwest, but I ain’t gonna tell you where.  You can see how attractive I am, and I don’t want a lot of male visitors coming by.  (She leans forward and with her hand to her mouth, she whispers, ‘you know what I mean’)  Now, the Midwest is in the United States, Sweetie, in case you didn’t know.

K: Actually, I was just there recently. There’s not much in the Midwest, is there? Or at least not in my literary universe. So you’re not actually in a novel yet?

G: I think we established that, dear. That’s ok.  Don’t feel bad.  You’ll smarten up with age.  I’m a character in a collection of short stories, named after me (My idea to name ‘em after me.  One thing my author did listen to.)  You can see a couple of ‘em on her blog-thingey at http://dmyates.blogspot.com, including the one with the young boy who thought he was a vampire.  (Gerri laughs and slaps the table again).  I straightened him out, right proper, I did.  I’ll tell ya, I don’t know what’s wrong with a good sturdy typewriter and paper.  This world, mm, mm, mm.

K: You’re sure he wasn’t a vampire? I mean, I do know a few… *stops at look from Geraldina* Um, anyway, over the course of the short stories how do you change or evolve or-

G:Mm, mm, mm.  Such difficult questions from someone so young.  Are you married?  Marriage is holy in the sight of the Lard.  (She repeats the gesture of throwing her arms up and looking at the ceiling.  She yells ‘Hallelujah’)  Now, Shirley – she’s my friend- (someone has to be her friend, you know) – she has this lazy son, Buddy, whose not married.  He ain’t much of a catch, but at your age, well, take what you can get, I say. What’s that?  I’m a tch deaf.  Oh yes, your fancy question.  I’m simply a character composite of older women barn in an earlier time.  (She leans forward with her hand to her mouth and whispers ‘that’d be last century, but we don’t have to tell the world that, since I’m so young looking’).

K: What’s the biggest challenge you face in the stories?

G:What’s that?  Biggest challenge?  My, my.  That’s easy.  Why, it’s getting people to listen to my advice, my words of wisdom.  (She repeats her gesture but this time cups her hand to her mouth and whispers, ‘Thank you, Lard that I’m not as dumb as this girl here’.  She looks back kindly at Katelina and smiles politely).

K: Uh-huh. I suppose you probably don’t have any enemies then?

G: Enemies?  Don’t be silly, Missy.  Everyone who meets me stands in awe of me.  Why, most people barely talk when I’m around.  (Repeating her favorite gesture, she yells, ‘Thank you Lard for making me so perfect).  Mm, mm.

she was a round little kitty

by Joleene Naylor

G: Well, that’s a no-brainer.  One night, a starving young actor just pops up in my bedroom.  Mm, mm, mm.  Poor lost soul.  Thought he could act and that he was a vampire.  (She laughs and slaps her hand on a nearby table).  Lost little young ‘un, wasn’t he, Snookums?  (She looks lovingly at her cat who had just grabbed another cat treat from a large pile next to him and munches away unconcernedly).  Poor boy.  No decent coat, just some old cloak.  Thought he was from Transylvania – as if such a place exits.  (She slaps the nearby table again).  See what can happen when you don’t eat right or get enough sleep?  Now, the way your eyes keep getting bigger and your mouth gets prunier while we talk, why I’d say, you need a good dose of Prune Juice daily and start eating prunes for snacks, you poor girl.  Take my advice.  I know what I’m saying, and I’ve seen that look many a time before when talking to people.  Mm, mm, mm.  The foods people eat today.  All plugged up, like you.

K: *swallows* I have a bad feeling about what happened to that vampire-

G: Poor Lost Soul, you mean. Confused-

K: Right. Next question. You mentioned marriage earlier. Are you in a relationship or-

G: Now, you shouldn’t ask such personal things, young lady.  What kind of mother did you have?  My sweet Wally has been dead this many a year.  There was one man once I thought would do alright, but he must have been intimidated by my smarts.  Never did see him again.  What about you?  Buddy is still single and with that scrunched up look on your face, well, you know.  I bet you don’t get asked out much.  Think about it, Sweety.  And don’t forget to drink Prune Juice.  Might make Buddy like you more if your face wasn’t like that.  My, my, and it’s getting worse as we talk.

K: Um, yeah. Thanks, anyway. I think Jorick might get a little upset about that. *looks towards the door he usually appears through, but he fails to show up*.  Okay, then. Thanks, Jorick!

G: MM? What? Who are you talking to? Are you alright?

K: Yeah, yeah. Peachy. Oh, it looks  like we’re running low on time. What’s the one thing you want in the whole world?

G: Why, I just want the whole world to love the Lard as I do.  (Again, she does her favorite gesture.  ‘Hallelujah, Lard, hallelujah!).  Then everyone would be as near perfect as me, and my work here on this tainted earth would be done.  Mm, mm, mm.

Open Bible

by Ryk Neethling via Flickr

G: Why, I’d tell them to carry the Good Book where-ever they go.  Makes for good reading.  AND, it’s useful if you have to smack a stranger to get your point across.  Listen here, little girl.  You ain’t one of those who talk about them vampires, are you?  Silly young ‘uns today.  My, my, my.  What’s the next question?  I haven’t got all day, you know.  You just talk too much.  No wonder young men don’t come around you much.  You’re not too bright, are ya?  And that face, and my, my, my, do you ever stop talking for one minute?  Mm, mm, mm.  You need a lot of work.  (She repeats the gesture of throwing her hands up and looking at the ceiling.  ‘Thank ya, Lard, for bringing me to this needy child).  An adult, you say?  (Gerri laughs).  You young people all think you’re adults.  Silly young ‘uns today.  Why, when I was your age, not that long ago, we young people were much smarter.  Probably ’cause we ate right.

K: *scowling* Uh-huh. You know, Jorick thinks I’m just fine! *again he does not appear* Fine! Just stay hidden!

G: There you go again. It’s things like that that are causing your trouble!

K: *through gritted teeth*I don’t have any trouble. If you could say one thing to your author, what would it be?

G: Her writing needs work.  Now, I write a weekly newsletter for my church.  I’m willing to show her how to write a story properly, but she pretends she can’t hear me.  Thinks she’s Miss Perfect Writer.  Well, she’ll see.  Someday, she’ll come begging me to help her.  And she has that same pruney face, like yours.  I told her what to eat.  Stubborn as a mule, that one. You know, you didn’t ask where I’m going from here.  This writer – and I use the word lightly, if you know what I mean (Gerri winks at Katelina) – tch, tch, has some more ideas she’s working on.  She’s slow and a bit lazy, if you ask me.  I’d have all these stories done by now.  What am I supposed to do while waiting.  I’ve already read my Good Book cover to cover many times.  How thoughtless can you get, but then, she fancies herself a writer?  Mm, mm, mm.  Dreamer, more likely.

K: *softens a little& I can sympathize with lazy authors-

G: Now, Snookums Doodles and I have typed up a few more suggestions on how to improve our church.  I’m meeting with our Pastor and so I best be on my way.  I’ll leave you my phone number.  You give me a call.  You and Buddy are aging quickly, you know.  (As she strolls Snookums out, she stops and using her favorite gesture, she yells, ‘Hallelujah, Lard, I just saved ya another soul.’  Meanwhile Snookums Doodles releases gas so vile smelling that Katelina really puckers up, holding her breath).  I’ll be sending along some prunes.  Mm, mm, mm.  So young to have a face like that.  (Gerri and Snookums Doodles leaves).

K: *stares after them* Well, that was – erm-

Jorick: *appears through doorway* Interesting?

K: Where the hell have you been?! Oh never mind! Thanks to Geraldina and, um, her foul smelling cat for stopping by today. You can find her on DM Yates’ blog at http://dmyates.blogspot.com/p/geraldina-pottwatts-short-stories.html

And a special thanks to DM Yates for playing along!

If you’re an author and would like your character(s) to be interviewed by me, then check out this very cool page that has all the details:

http://joleenenaylor.wordpress.com/character-interviews/

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