the Look Challenge! (Another Excerpt of Book 5!)

The Challenge: a pirate stands and throws fort...

The Challenge: a pirate stands and throws forth a challenge (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been challenged – bum bum – by the talented Paige Addams. If you’ve never read her work, then you should – in fact you can read an excerpt in her challenge post, or chapters on her blog, too.

Here are the rules:

  • ~ Search your manuscript for the word “look,” and then copy the surrounding paragraphs into a post.
  • ~ Give a little background on the scene if you’d like.
  • ~ Tag 5 other writers who’re working on, or who’ve completed a manuscript.

5 Writers I’m Tagging:

  • Juli Hoffman
  • SassySue
  • Donna Yates
  • Barbara Tarn
  • Reena Jacobs

Now for my “look”

Hmmm. I found a lot of instances of the word “look” – wonder if that is normal or if I just use it more than usual? But, I went with the second scene I found as it is short 🙂

This is from book 5 Heart of the Raven, which is in progress.  I don’t think this needs much set up, but know it’s unedited 😉

Katelina dropped onto the wooden bench and stretched her legs out in front of her. A pair of vampires walked past and, as their eyes swept over her she suddenly wasn’t sure that sending Neil away had been such a good idea.

The pair moved on and she relaxed. She was just being paranoid. They wouldn’t really do anything to her in the middle of the mall.

“What’s a little human doing all on her own?”

Katelina jolted. The voice in her head wasn’t hers ,which meant there was a powerful vampire lurking around.

“Powerful? I’m flattered.”

Katelina snatched up her shopping bag and hugged it to her like a shield. She told herself to stay calm. Neil would be back any moment and then-

“But where will you be?”

“Not here.” Katelina jerked to her feet and spun towards the exit. A broad shouldered vampire in a green coat suddenly blocked her path. She didn’t recognize the bearded face or the dark shaggy hair, but the look in his eyes was familiar and hungry.

She swung the shopping bag in a panicked arc and jumped away. The vampire dodged easily and grabbed her wrist. He jerked her towards him and pushed his face close to hers, staring deep into her eyes. She struggled to look away from the green orbs but she couldn’t. Her resistance melted into a pool of nothing and the sounds of the mall faded. She was trapped in the center of a glittering emerald green prism, and she didn’t even care.

The voice seemed to come from both outside and inside her head at the same time. “Isn’t that better? Now let’s go back to my room and discuss how powerful I am.”

She didn’t notice the bag that slipped from her fingers, or the room that moved past as her legs mechanically followed his lead. The only thing she was aware of was a steady thrumming in her head that grew louder and louder by the second.  It vibrated the false green walls of her mental prison and rolled through her.

The thrumming turned into words, murmurs, thoughts. His thoughts. He was bored. It was just a bit of fun and why not? He deserved some fun. “Don’t we all deserve some fun?”

And as a bonus, here’s a little music to go with the theme….

Someone had to do it 😉

P.S. Roxette Rules!!

Leave a comment


  1. LOL I love the Roxette video to go with the post. I miss this group.

    Very cool and suspenseful snippet there. Your first draft looks awesome. 😀

  2. Well thanks I see I have too many “look” in my chapters also

    this is from chap 4 where Gideon learns who Phoebe really is, the setting is a restaruant.. Still very much in draft. I might be able to work on it today

    The maitre d’ greeted the couple as they arrived. “Mr.. Gideon it is good to see you again,” he said, as the two men shook hands. “We have missed you. Where is the rest of the group?” He moved his eyes to the front entrance looking for the others

    “It is just the two of us tonight Mario.” The response provoked an interested glance from Mario as he gazed at Phoebe

    “Come, come your table is ready.”

    Gideon pulled out the chair and sat while Mario assisted Phoebe “Do you come here often?” Her eyes took in the dim warm lighting, the relaxing atmosphere, and the dark red walls.. They could hear the other diners’ lively voices, and the clatter of cutlery, almost all the tables were occupied, and their noses picked up the appealing odours. “It smells good.”

    “Yes, the food is excellent, authentic Northern Italian, with superb service. My friends and I come here when we can.”

    With a mischievous glint in her eyes, Phoebe asked, “Are your friends devils too?”
    “Yes.” And he told her about the other three couples. “I met the three agents at a big job in New Orleans.”

    “I’ve never been there.”

    “I am the only one alone in the group, but I think I have found the right woman.” Then in reply to her quizzical look, “You, Phoebe.”

    “How can you make such a brash statement? We only just met.” However her facial expression and tone of voice indicated a mixture of confusion and pleasure at the same time.

  3. sunshineskye

     /  October 19, 2012

    This was a lot of fun! The extract is gripping – what happens next!!!

    I loved Roxette – I can remember buying the LP (cd’s were not the norm yet) when this song came out and bopping away in front of the stereo.

  4. Excellent! Can’t wait to read the rest of it.

  5. A tasty little tease for what’s to come. Great.

  6. I love it! 🙂 I can’t wait to see what happens next! Lol, and I love the song choice. 🙂

  7. This is so good! I also can’t wait to see what happens next.

  8. now that’s fun and different

  1. Writer Wednesday « creative barbwire (or the many lives of a creator)
  2. Unedited Snippet Seven from Book Five « Amaranthine Night
  3. Unedited Snippet Eight from Book Five « Amaranthine Night
  4. Unedited Snippet Nine from Book Five « Amaranthine Night
  5. Unedited Snippet Ten from Book Five « Amaranthine Night

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