Hello! And welcome to the weekend Amaranthine interviews where YOU ask the questions!
In honor of the new book, I’m going to give everyone else some time off and conduct these interviews myself. See what a good author I am?
Jo: Today we’re interviewing Micah, our loudmouthed… erm…friend might be too strong of a word.
Micah: Yeah, back at ya.
J: No need to be cranky. Apparently some of the readers like you. I suppose someone has to.
M: *psh* You know you like you me coz I do all the work for you in scenes and you can just fu-
J: Can you try you try to kind of watch your language?
M: I am. I’m watchin’ you type the sh** out. *lights a cigarette* So what about these f***ing questions?
J: Yes, let’s get on with it. Kathy asks: Micah what year did you get turned into a vampire? Who turned you? These may be answered in a book but I don’t remember the answers.
M: Hey, don’t blame ya, sister. This chick writes so much drivel who can keep it all straight! I was turned in 1972 and as for ‘by who’, I don’t know who the f*** he was. I don’t know why the f*** he did it. He dragged me outta the f***ing ocean, and when I came to he’d already done it and just said “You were strong, but now you’re stronger,” and then took the f*** off. That’s why I say all this master s*** is bull.
J: Kathy also wants to know: Have you always had that asshole attitude?
M: Pffft. You mean this loveable f***ing personality? Then yeah, I’ve always been a goddamn ray of sunshine.
J: No wonder your life was so miserable you tried to kill yourself.
J: Not here, but unlike you I can remember the “drivel” I write. (Readers can check it out in the FREE Tales from the Island: Micah). Moving on, Jennifer wants to know: What do you enjoy most and least about being a vampire?
M: Bein’ able to kick the a**es of all the pieces of s*** who have it comin’. Not that I couldn’t do that before, but…*blows puff of smoke* And the thing I like the least is all the f***ing laws. What the f***? We’re goddamn immortal f***ing monsters! Why are we following all these goddamn rules? Why don’t we just do what we want and forget it? F***ing anarchy, that’s the way it should be. Survival of the fittest.
J: Riiiight. Heather wants to know: Do you miss anything about being human and if so what would that be?
M: Okay, look, I’ll tell ya this once, a’ight? But I don’t wanna here s*** about it later. I miss food! A good f***ing bacon cheeseburger, man, pink in the middle, drippin’ grease and ketchup, so that the bun is just a little soggy, and all the grease runs down into the fries and gets soaked up and… f***. That was heaven. And I miss a good f***ing drunk. Yeah, if we drain a drunk we get a little bit of that, but not a whole hell of a lot coz most of bein’ drunk is caused by a lack of oxygen to your brain and our f***ing brains don’t need oxygen anymore. Same with getting’ high. So there’s no f***ing escape now. Not that I need it, but just sayin’.
J: Yeah. I won’t comment on your food or your lifestyle choices. Bonnie asks: Is your smart ass attitude really you or do you affect it just to piss people off?
M: What the f*** is with these questions? My attitude is f***ing great. I’m a load of f***ing fun. Just ask anyone.
J: I think it’s safe to say you’ve been an asshat for so long that it’s become a habit. Moving on, Bonnie also asks: What kind of women do you like, the soft cuddly kind or the G.I. Jane battle ready type?
M: Hey, ain’t nothin’ wrong with soft n’ cuddly. If you’re talkin’ about proportions, that is. If you mean those wilting princess yuppie b****es then f*** no. Women ought to be able to take care of them f***ing selves. My Gam f***ing raised her kids, then after her husband died, and my mom beat it, she raised me, all on her f***ing own. Didn’t have no prince charming to swoop in and set her on a pillow, though she deserved that. She deserved a pillow and all that shit, but she didn’t get it. She had to work and she had to take of a kid that wasn’t hers, and meanwhile she was payin’ half my piece of s*** uncle’s bills and takin’ care of his kids half time, and she never once complained or whined or acted like she thought she ought to get taken care of just because she was born with t**s. I can’t stand that s*** when some chick thinks she ought to be worshiped and set on a pedestal coz she’s a woman. Yeah? So what? This is life and don’t no one get a free pass, or at least they shouldn’t. We all gotta f***ing put our time in, so if I’m lookin’ for a chick, it’s one that’s gonna shut the f*** up and pull her share. Not that I’m lookin’ coz I ain’t.
J: Funny you say that. Bonnie also asked: Now that Loren is getting girlfriends what about you? Are you in the market for a honey?
M: Did I stutter? I said I ain’t lookin’ for one. Women just complicate s***.
J: Makes me wonder who broke your heart – and don’t deny it. I’m your author. I know these things. Maybe we’ll find out some day. Speaking of mates, though, you’re not looking, but pretend you were. Lisa wants to know: If you could turn anybody to be your mate, who would it be? (Katelina is not available…).
M: Course she ain’t. Number one, I done turned her, and number two, she’s Jorick’s chick and I don’t pull that shit. It’s the reason I don’t like the redhead. Besides that, she’s too much like a kid– too soft. *looks at Jo* Since my f***ing author is pointing a f***ing pointy stick at me, I’ll humor this s*** and say I’d need a time machine and then it would be Lola Falana. Now there’s a woman.
J: Well, that’s an answer at least. Christine says: Are you crabby because you need a woman? Sorino says you try to act tuff because of your feelings for Loren.
M: Whoa. Whoa. Sorino-sleaze-ball says what? What the f*** is he implying? What the f***? Do I need to twist his goddamn head off like one of those f***ing GI Joe dolls? Because I will. I’ve been waiting for a chance to take that mother f***er out and-
J: Yeah, yeah. We know. Switching topics, Amy asks: Micah, you have a tough exterior, but we all know that you care about Katelina (don’t even try to deny it). The question is when did you first realize that you were starting to like her?
M: Pfft. I don’t like her. She’s – *notices author has pointy stick again*. A’ight. Fine. She’s…okay. I don’t hate her. And as for when I realized I didn’t hate her…I ‘spose it was when she ballsed up and killed Kateesha. You gotta kind of admire that s***, especially when every else was so pissed about it. Ruined their little political game plan. I know it f***ed Traven over real good coz I bet anything you want that if Jeda had got that coven, she’d have kept it instead of letting it go like they agreed. Traven and Jeda’s coven got wiped out by all the Mexican vampires comin’ up, and I bet he looked at that as a quick way to replace ‘em all, plus. Then Lunch went and took that away from him. Ha! She f***ed’em all over good. That s*** was funny.
J: Well I guess it’s nice to know someone appreciated the ending to that book, even if it is one of the characters. Amy also wants to know: what do you admire the most about Katelina?
M: Admire? *pshaw* She’s a weak little kid who complains all the damn time. The only thing she can do on her own is stand up to that jack a** Jorick. She does that pretty good half the time. Which I guess is an accomplishment coz half the damn vampire population thinks he’s god, him included. But then she don’t seem to really care what the vampire population thinks – all those rules and ancient tradition s*** that everyone is trying to shove down everyone’s throat. She knows that s*** is stupid.
J: Uh-huh. But you don’t like anything about her. Laura asks: You feel something for Katelina what is it? I love it when you call her lunch. She seems to be sisterly to you.
M: There you women go, adding all this feelings crap into everything. I guess if you’re gonna make me pick a f***ing label then kid sister would work coz yeah, she is a damn kid. Or at least she acts like one.
M: Ain’t no secret what I like. I ain’t got no problem admitting it. You ever heard of Red Sovine? Now there’s some s*** to make you f***ing tear up. Giddy Up Go – that one pulls at the f***ing heart strings – or at least it does if you got a soul. Heartless bastards who don’t f***ing get sappy when they hear that shit – or Teddy Bear – well thy ain’t got no business living. Damn.
J: Are you tearing up???
M: F*** you. I got a soul, ain’t I? You ever listened to that s***?
J: No. I don’t like songs that make me cry on purpose. Laura also asks: Are you glad you turned Katelina?
M: Well someone had to goddamn do it. Grumpy a** wasn’t ever gonna get around to it, for all his talk, and no one else was gonna risk his f***ing fury, except maybe that redhead. So yeah, I’m glad, because now that f***ing sneaky Verchiel can’t slide in and turn her while Jorick ain’t looking. I know he was planning that, no matter what he says. I don’t like Jorick, and I ain’t never said I did, but I agree with him. The redhead is f***ing up to something and I don’t like it. Lunch needs to quit encouraging him.
J: That leads us to the next question, Dawn asks: What do you think of the men in Katelina’s life Jorick, Samael, and Verchiel? Do you think she should be free of all of them?
M: Pfft. Jorick is an overbearing a**hole but I think Lunch can handle him. As for the other two… Getting mixed up with Samael was a f***ing mistake. He’s a f***ing ancient who thinks he’s better than everyone else. She don’t matter to him, and if it comes to it he’ll f***ing kill her if it suits him. Jorick may think he can stand up to him, but he can’t. Samael will stomp him f***ing flat too, and he won’t think twice about it. Lunch needs to get free of him and quit that dream communication s*** she’s doing. As for Verchiel, he’s a sneaky b*** and though she thinks he’s her friend he ain’t. She needs to tell him to f*** off and quit talking to him. And I mean REALLY quit talking to him, not that pathetic attempt she made when she was mad at him.
J: You guys have it in for him, and I don’t know why. But, moving on to the final question. Alicia asks: Are you truly going to give Katelina freedom after you train her?
M: Yeah. What the f*** do I want her for? Though it is fun hanging that s*** over Jorick’s head. He gets so f***ing pissed. While we were at The Guild [author’s note: at the beginning of Masque of the Vampire] I did some research on that blood debt s*** and damn! I see why he’s so f***ing riled up. I’d heard of it before, but I didn’t realize how extensive that s*** is. I thought they just had to kind of do what you said for a while, but damn, they got to do everything, like a goddamn slave, and it can be years. Hundreds of f***ing years. What the f***? Who has that kind of attention span?
J: Certainly not you. And with that we are out of questions. Thanks so much for at least **ing out your obscenities for once. And a huge thank you to everyone who left Micah a question! Be sure to check out the post where you can leave a question for Kai!
And don’t forget that you can get your copy of Masque of the Vampire, from all major outlets:
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