This was written by request – I was supposed to be in bed hours ago (I am still up from yesterday) so that explains the weirdness. Sorry for the annoying present tense, but it seemed fun at the time 😉
(This is the Resurrection ceremony wherein Patrick was summoned for his interview.
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by Till Westermayer via flickr under CC license
It is a small, dark room. In the center is a circle of scarlet candles. Flames flicker from their tips and cast dancing shadows on the bare walls. Outside, lighting flashes and thunder follows. The rolling boom echoes like a timpani drum in a macabre symphony.
Someone enters through a low doorway. Slightly stooped, the woman straightens and looks around, checking to be sure everything is as it should be. The resurrection ceremony can begin!
The woman shuffles across the room to a large, dusty book. She hefts its bulk and flips the worn pages, seeking the right words to bring back the dead. Lightning flashes again, and the thunder follows. As the last echoes die, she begins a low, eerie chant-
“I don’t know if I can actually find Patrick! He’s only had – what? Two sentences up to now? And that was a flashback?” Insanely, her voice changes pitch, as if there is a second person talking through her, “Oh come on, Jo! You can do it! You’re already a week late! Suck it up!”
With a heavy sigh she waves her hand and mumbles unintelligible words. A shimmery form begins to materialize before her. It takes shape and becomes more solid. Soon, a character can be seen. A young man in his early twenties with messy blonde hair and a lip ring. He is dressed all in black and looks a bit confused.
“What? Where am I?”
The woman snaps the book shut and drops it back to the stack of random papers in the corner. “Don’t play the mystified character to me. Let’s just get on with this, huh?”
The young man takes a step back. “Get on with what?”
“Your interview.” She blows out the candles one by one. Smoke curls from the dead wicks in little black puffs. “There was a poll. Some people voted for you, blah, blah, blah, now they want to ask you questions.”
His eyes are suddenly guarded. “What people? Who are you?”
She stops, hands on hips, her expression one of annoyance. “Quit playing dumb. I’m your author, as you well know. And the people are your readers. Well, sort of. They’ve read about you. I realize you haven’t gotten to do much because I killed you off on page one, so now’s your chance.”
Patrick scowls. “Why the hell did you kill me off, anyway?”
The author shrugs. “I don’t know. I was trying to come up with something for nano-wri-mo and I was reading Anita Blake at the time, and she had all these gleaming spinal columns and I thought ‘Hey! I need a gleaming spinal column’ so – poof! – you were born so you could be dead. Besides, it gave Katelina some turmoil, and explained what she was doing at a deserted house.”
“Not really. What was she doing there?”
“Meeting Jorick, of course! Now listen, I’m going to send you in to be interviewed in a minute-”
“What in the hell was she meeting him for?!?”
The woman frowns and taps an impatient foot. “She couldn’t hook up with him if she didn’t meet him, now could she? As I was saying-”
“What!? Katelina and Jorick hooked up?! How the hell did that happen?”
The woman grumbles to herself and shuffles through the pile of books and papers. “Here,” she says as she hands Patrick a copy of a book titled Shades of Gray. “If you want the nity –grity details read that. Meanwhile, I need to get you prepped for your interview.”
Patrick ignores her and flips absently through the book. His eyes dart over the pages and catch stray words, sentences; scenes. Then, he shouts, “What in the fuck? He’s having sex with her? Are you serious?”
by me 🙂
The author snatches the book away and flings it back into the pile. “Yeah, they had sex. They’ve had sex several times. They’re living together, all right? Now can we get to the important stuff?”
“That IS important!” His words break off into an unintelligible tangle that sounds like “ergh!”
“As I’ve been trying to say, Verchiel is going to interview you. He’s a… well.. I don’t know if he’s a good guy, but he’s a good character. You could learn a lot from him. He wouldn’t stand there and shout ‘ergh’ at me. He’d nod along and say I was brilliant, and then add a plug for his own spin off series – which he isn’t getting, by the way.”
“Spin offs? You’re talking spin offs with some Vermicelli guy and you killed me on page one? What the hell?”
A buzzer sounds.
The author grabs Patrick by the arm and hauls him towards the low doorway. “Yeah, yeah, you can bitch later. Right now you have to go on. So get out there, answer the questions and for the love of God watch your mouth. I know the kind of stuff you’re capable of saying!”
He turns to her and asks coldly, “How can you know? I’ve never had a chance to say anything!”
“Call it author’s intuition.” And with those words she shoves him through the door.
***********
Related articles
- Interview with Patrick (joleenenaylor.wordpress.com)
- Interview with Jorick (joleenenaylor.wordpress.com)
- Interview with Katelina (joleenenaylor.wordpress.com)
- Interview with Verchiel (joleenenaylor.wordpress.com)
Amaranthine by Joleene Naylor 
SharonS
/ March 10, 2012Heehee, thanks for that. Spin off you say? 😉
Joleene Naylor
/ March 11, 2012Ha ha! Yeah, he’s determined he needs one. He’s been trying to convince me that a series about the Executioners would be fun. However, as I keep telling him, I barely have time for one series, let alone two! LMAO! Maybe when i retire from book covers….
Sue
/ March 10, 2012Okay – I am back in my chair now – I literally fell on the floor laughing —that was one of the funniest and best written pieces I’ve ever read.
Fav bits
–The woman shuffles across the room to a large, dusty book. She hefts its bulk and flips the worn pages,
–“Oh come on, Jo! You can do it! You’re already a week late! Suck it up!”
–She blows out the candles one by one. Smoke curls from the dead wicks in little black puffs
–I’m your author, as you well know. And the people are your readers
–The woman frowns and taps an impatient foot
–she says as she hands Patrick a copy of a book titled Shades of Gray
–Patrick ignores her and flips absently through the book. His eyes dart over the pages and catch stray words, sentences; scenes
–“That IS important!” His words break off into an unintelligible tangle that sounds like “ergh!”
–.. I don’t know if he’s a good guy, but he’s a good character. You could learn a lot from him. He wouldn’t stand there and shout ‘ergh’ at me. He’d nod along and say I was brilliant, and then add a plug for his own spin off series – which he isn’t getting, by the way.”
–Spin offs? You’re talking spin offs with some Vermicelli guy and you killed me on page one? What the hell?”
–Call it author’s intuition
So pretty much the whole thing I thought is brilliant
Thank you very much. Hope you get some sleep
Joleene Naylor
/ March 11, 2012Ha ha! Thanks! As usual you’ve picked most of my favorite bits too – hubby said he liked the Vermicelli line the best. (I read it to him as a quick proof read before posting, LOL!)
I need to get on a normal schedule, I tell ya…
Juli Hoffman
/ March 10, 2012OMG, Jo!!!! Can’t wait! This should be one hell of an interview!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!
Joleene Naylor
/ March 11, 2012Yeah, he was in quite a mood before he got out there. Maybe I shouldn’t have let him read the book first? 😉
DM
/ March 10, 2012I loved this. It was way too good. Perfect.
Joleene Naylor
/ March 11, 2012Thanks! I had a lot of fun with it, LOL!
Carolyn
/ March 11, 2012LOL! Great job, Jo. 😀
Joleene Naylor
/ March 11, 2012Thanks! I need to get back to work doing some writing, LOL!
Barb
/ March 12, 2012Waahahaha!
Now you have to resurrect a vampire for the next interview! How do you resurrect an undead? 😉
You shouldn’t have put dead characters in the poll! 😀
Joleene Naylor
/ March 13, 2012it involves a goblet of blood and a cat – they have one foot in already 😉
LMAO!!!